Bedtime circus

I had to give my little girl a spanking this week. It is something I try to avoid. But there are moments when nothing else seems to work and I have to find a consequence that I know she will not like. Will it keep her from ever doing it again?...maybe not, but she will certainly think twice about it the next time.

Do you ever have trouble getting your child to go to sleep? "Daddy, I need to ask you something." "Daddy, I'm thirsty." "Daddy, I need to go potty." Why does bedtime have to be such a circus! It was late already and I was dreading the effort I would have to spend getting her up and ready in time the next morning. We had finished our typical bed-time routine, so the teeth were brushed and she had gone potty. As I was getting ready to shut her door from the gazillionth call for "Dad", she sat up in bed and exclaimed, "Daddy, I need to go potty!" Doubt quickly filled my mind, but the memory of changing wet sheets at 3:00 AM pursuaded me to allow it. I was clear-minded enough to present a consequence if she was lying, so I laid it all out there for her to consider. "If you don't really have to go then you will get a spanking."

She took the challenge. I guess she thought that she could muster up enough strength to get a drop or two. And believe me, she tried. As I sat her back in bed, I asked her if she would rather get the spanking now or in the morning. Truthfully, I was hoping she would say in the morning because I didn't want to give her the spanking anymore than she wanted to get it, and the thought of watching her lay there crying practically broke my heart. To no surprise she chose to delay it and cleverly even said that I would forget by morning. It amazes me sometimes how coherent the mind of a 5-yr-old can be. I assured her that I would not forget and I left her there to anticipate the morning.

It only took her about five minutes before she called me back and asked to get the spanking now. I guess the anticipation was too much to handle. She amazed me how courageously she took it...without struggle at all. I could tell that she had been preparing herself for it. There were no tears (except maybe the ones I was hiding inside) and as I layed her back down I kissed her forehead, told her how much I loved her, and asked her to never lie to me again.

I learned two things that night:

1. one of the best things you can do for your children is to draw boundaries and stick to them
2. courage is less about how tough we can make ourselves look but more about taking responsibility for our actions and facing the reality that they create...with no delay