Bedtime circus

I had to give my little girl a spanking this week. It is something I try to avoid. But there are moments when nothing else seems to work and I have to find a consequence that I know she will not like. Will it keep her from ever doing it again?...maybe not, but she will certainly think twice about it the next time.

Do you ever have trouble getting your child to go to sleep? "Daddy, I need to ask you something." "Daddy, I'm thirsty." "Daddy, I need to go potty." Why does bedtime have to be such a circus! It was late already and I was dreading the effort I would have to spend getting her up and ready in time the next morning. We had finished our typical bed-time routine, so the teeth were brushed and she had gone potty. As I was getting ready to shut her door from the gazillionth call for "Dad", she sat up in bed and exclaimed, "Daddy, I need to go potty!" Doubt quickly filled my mind, but the memory of changing wet sheets at 3:00 AM pursuaded me to allow it. I was clear-minded enough to present a consequence if she was lying, so I laid it all out there for her to consider. "If you don't really have to go then you will get a spanking."

She took the challenge. I guess she thought that she could muster up enough strength to get a drop or two. And believe me, she tried. As I sat her back in bed, I asked her if she would rather get the spanking now or in the morning. Truthfully, I was hoping she would say in the morning because I didn't want to give her the spanking anymore than she wanted to get it, and the thought of watching her lay there crying practically broke my heart. To no surprise she chose to delay it and cleverly even said that I would forget by morning. It amazes me sometimes how coherent the mind of a 5-yr-old can be. I assured her that I would not forget and I left her there to anticipate the morning.

It only took her about five minutes before she called me back and asked to get the spanking now. I guess the anticipation was too much to handle. She amazed me how courageously she took it...without struggle at all. I could tell that she had been preparing herself for it. There were no tears (except maybe the ones I was hiding inside) and as I layed her back down I kissed her forehead, told her how much I loved her, and asked her to never lie to me again.

I learned two things that night:

1. one of the best things you can do for your children is to draw boundaries and stick to them
2. courage is less about how tough we can make ourselves look but more about taking responsibility for our actions and facing the reality that they create...with no delay

Indiana Jones

I think every dad has wanted to be like Indiana Jones at some point in time. This summer it looks like we will get another opportunity to live vicariously through Harrison Ford in his next (and perhaps last) on screen adventure as Indiana Jones. What an american icon!

frivolous motion

I got this cool new tag cloud from frivolousmotion.com to keep track of what I write about most often. The more I write, the bigger it gets. Thanks frivolous! I look forward to more tips and secrets.

Obey your thirst

Go on out and buy a can of Sprite today...and leave your pride at the counter.

It takes desire to win

You've got to want it to win it, and we want it more!

I can't tell you how many times I chanted that at high school sporting events. Last night as I heard weeping and gnashing of teeth throughout the country (except in New York and Miami) I found myself chanting that silently to myself again...

You've got to want it to win it, and they wanted it more...

The Giants certainly showed up to win. And that is what they did. The Patriots did not beat themselves. Manning, Coughlin, Jacobs, Toomer, Burress, Tyree, Stahan and the entire Giant defense just played with more heart, more determination, and like they had something to prove. They had more desire to win last night in Phoenix.

I often find that the great things in life must start with a desire for greatness. Have you ever heard that some things just don't happen by chance? So as you sit there and ask yourself, "how can I become a better dad", let me ask you...how bad do you want it?

You've got to want it to win it...

Super Sunday

The big game. The day millions have longed for since Payton Manning and the Colts finally made their mark in NFL history. Today the other Manning is in the big show, a reality that only New Yorkers are proud of. The spread seems weighted heavily for Belichick's team but the newsrooms are doing their best to keep the probability alive. Today is a day that will go down in history. The Patriots can step into the realm of legends, or the Giants can prove that anything can happen. Make no mistake, each man to step onto that field today in Phoenix is prepared to give his very best. This opportunity may not present itself again. This may very well be Brady's only shot at a perfect season. Michael Strahan may not have another season to give. At the end of the day someone will be walking off the field a champion. Will he be remembered more for what he took off the field, or what he left on the field?

Great plays will amaze us. Mistakes will cost dearly. Hard work will inspire. In the end, only the final score will define a champion.

As I think about greatness, my legacy, the mark I leave on life and my children I cannot help but wonder what I am contributing to the big game. My humanity reminds me that this is my only shot. Only time will tell what I took with me off the field. Perhaps that has something to do with what I left on it.

Ethics in parenting

I was fortunate to attend a luncheon today at my alma mater, Drury University, that featured a brief talk on ethics by Jack Shewmaker. Mr. Shewmaker is a past CFO and past president of Wal-Mart and is known for being one of the most influencal business men in American history. His speech is almost too difficult to summarize in this short thought because as he spoke I could sense the years of experience from which he drew his perspective. Emerging from all his stories on bold new policies and dynamic personalities came two important challenges: be transparent, and do what is right.

When thinking about ethics in leadership, these two principles cannot be more strongly emphasised. Transparency places yourself above reproach and assures people that you are being honest with them. Doing the right thing speaks about fairness and integrity. There was a third challenge that unraveled from these two and that was, enable others to give their very best.

It is easy to reward a good deed or to criticize a wrong act. It is much harder to set a person up for success, to open the doors for opportunity, and to encourage one to make the right decision. But shouldn't that be a greater measure of a man? - to see how he has helped another succeed.

These principles on business ethics should be applied to parenting. How are you teaching your child to succeed?